Q:What exactly is coercive rape? Does it mean that literally any attempt at trying to convince someone to have sex with you is rape? Kinda lost here
Coercive rape is pushing someone to have sex when they don’t express enthusiastic consent. My definition is that it’s essentially all forms of rape that don’t involve physical force and where the victim is conscious and sober.
It could mean someone not wanting sex and then the other person going “Please please please come on just this once come on I promise you’ll like it please please please” and so on until the person finally gives in just to make them stop.
It could mean someone with power over someone else pushing sex on them in a way that causes them to say yes out of fear of repercussion, like a boss with one of their workers, a prison guard with a prisoner, a professor with a student, a privileged person with an oppressed minority person, etc.
It could mean using guilt to coerce them into sex, things like “But you’ve said no the last 5 times I’ve asked” or “You just say no because you want to punish me” or “You wouldn’t say no if you really loved me” and so on.
It could mean that threats were made that made the person feel unsafe in saying “No” It could be something like “I’ll hurt you/your family/your friends/your kids if you don’t let me” or “If you want to stay with this company you will do this for me” or “If you don’t sleep with me I’ll send everyone those photos/tell everyone this private information about you/make your life a living hell” etc.
Basically, consensual sex requires authentic, enthusiastic consent from BOTH parties. Rape occurs when that consent is lacking from one person.
It is important to reiterate the message that a coerced “yes” is not a true yes. It is important because most rape does not involve physical force. A lot does, but not the majority. And a lot of rapists get away with their crimes because their victims were not physically forced to have sex, or because their victim eventually said yes (or stopped saying no) after pressure or threats or a fear of retaliation, and most people don’t see that as rape. But it is.
Coercive rape IS rape and it is a crime.
Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
Nothing ever happens like you imagine it will," she says.
“Yeah, that’s true,” I say.
But then after I think about it for a second, I add, “But then again, if you never imagine, nothing ever happens at all.